It all began in childhood. What else is new? So I was born
and raised in a European country (details are not important). I was an only
child spoiled by my parents and relatives. My dad tried to challenge me from
time to time. He had a great sense of humor; people loved it. So did I. My mom
always protected me from whatever she thought was dangerous for me. Her love
overflowed and I bathed in it even when she fought depression. We spent long
vacations with my parents’ friends and families at a nice big lake. I remember
how popular I was among adults. Yep, I see a pattern. Adults.
I did not have
friends at all. Okay, that’s a lie. I had one friend; however, I only saw her
twice a year during summer. Anyhow, I was alone most of the times. I was lonely
as well. I played with imaginary friends to whom I gave personalities and
voices. They were fun. I could hide behind them especially when my classmates started
bullying me. The emotional and verbal abuse set me up to further develop my
imagination. Then my imagination turned against me (a little). My mind exaggerated
daily events in horrible ways. My mind had a magic wand. My nightmares were
realistic to me. They were unrealistic to my parents…and to my psychologists.
But soon I was “cured”. The nightmares passed and I learned to handle my
bullies. How? I simply watched MY adults.
By the time I was
eleven, I was surrounded by buddies. Some of them became my best friends. It is
funny because – surprise! - they
were my bullies from the past. I rose from my ashes. During the following years
I became kind of famous in my small society. I wrote poems. I gained the
interest of people. I got good grades. I had faith. As a teenager and young
adult I saw a shiny road that the Universe laid down in front of me. I easily
finished high school and enrolled in a university program (no need for bachelor’s
degree in my country of origin). I became very hungry. I tried everything I
could from witchcraft to wild parties. I enslaved boys. I thought I was
extremely complicated and smart… I was an arrogant bitch behind the mask of the
emphatic, sensitive person. And holly hell, I drank too.
