For many years I believed that my bad childhood experiences
caused my addiction. Nah. My experiences did form my personality including my
imagination, my thought processes, and my attachment style. They had nothing to
do with drinking and other bad habits. I was born with an addicted mind.
Addiction does not refer to substance abuse only. My little harmless obsessions
in daily life were part of. I didn’t know it.
I still remember my first drink. I was 14 when
we went on a 2 day field trip with my class. We spent the night in a tiny
hostel. Someone pulled out a small bottle of vodka when the teachers were not
present. We mixed it with orange juice. I had 2 sips and all of a sudden I felt
a buzz. So I kept looking for that buzz. Of course smoking cigarettes, smoking
a little pot, and drinking alcohol seemed to be a cool thing. However, it
stopped being cool when I started drinking by myself. But…but…it is not bad or
sad, right? It all looked absolutely normal through my pink sunglasses. It was
just my way to stretch my mind and relax. That’s what I thought. I did not
realize that my shiny road slowly turned into a slide of mud. I drank at family
events (excuse me, everybody else did too). I loved every occasion that
involved alcohol. I even drank on dates when I felt bored or I had to pretend
that I was in love. I have no clue why I did it. I was not concerned at all and
I did not see the warning signs.
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